Tonight, I am pained by a conversation I had with a sister at the masjid. I listened to her go between being the tough strong Muslimah to confessing to me that she has experienced domestic violence, which was quickly played off as completely her fault and ensured that it has not happened since… except it happened twice.
I have been there… I was a victim of domestic violence by my ex-husband. I had similar stories and similar excuses. I did not want to be another statistic of divorce. I thought we could fix whatever was broken, if I were more patient, more…, more…, more of everything.
I finally escaped after ten years and after he had written out a detailed plan of how he was going to kill me along with his first sergeant and commanding officer (they had helped me). It was frightening to leave… more so than living with him; because of the fear he would finally act out his threats from over the years. It is that fear, intimidation and control that keeps women in these marriages.
It was like a kick in the stomach to hear these things from someone I consider a friend. Of course, I wanted to say she should leave, but having been in the same spot, I know that it is not that easy. She still loves him, she still wants to give him a chance, and she thinks things will work out. I was relieved to hear that she has a supportive family that she can go to when she wants to go.
In the meantime, I will sit back and watch her. I will check on her. I will listen and pray… pray for her, me, and any other woman in this difficult situation. My heart aches for the pain that I still have… the bruises, broken bones heal, but the heart and soul take longer.
Someone who knew my history, sent me the link to this beautiful reciter, Ahmed Suleiman. I guess he knew I needed to hear this; the tajweed is so unique and melodious. It has a calming affect on me and helps me heal. I hope it does the same for others who listen.
Originally published at Shining the Moon